


Live Like You Were Dying

by YesIsAWorld



Category: Harry Styles (Musician), Louis Tomlinson (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Car Accidents, Declarations Of Love, Harry/OFC Mentioned, Hospitals, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-11 19:31:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20158900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesIsAWorld/pseuds/YesIsAWorld
Summary: I’m in love with you.The phone fell from his hand, and the world went black.





	Live Like You Were Dying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lululawrence](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/gifts).

> Thank you to [phd-mama](http://phd-mama.tumblr.com/) for the great beta! Love you!
> 
> And to my darling [Sus](https://lululawrence.tumblr.com/), HAPPY BIRTHDAY!, you deserve all the love and happiness in the world and I hope this makes your day the tiniest bit brighter!
> 
> This fic is vaguely based off of Tim McGraw's "Live Like You Were Dying"

_This is how I’m going to die._

Louis couldn’t believe he was such a fucking idiot. He knew better than to speed along this stretch of road. He knew better than to not wear his seatbelt. He knew better than to be fiddling with the radio and the air conditioning when his eyes should be on the road. But he was a fucking idiot, breaking all the rules as usual, and he didn’t see the kid on the shoulder of the road until it was almost too late and by the time he swerved to be sure to miss him, the car coming the opposite direction was too close and someone’s brakes squealed before the metal crunched then his car was flipping through the air.

He was alive. The world was quiet and after a moment the only cohesive thought he had was _shit. _He couldn’t feel his body but he could blink his eyes which meant he was alive for now. But this was how he was going to die. And then his mom was going to kill him. Harry would too. _Harry._

Louis was numb, but his heart was crying out. He couldn’t die without telling Harry the truth. With all the strength he could muster, he turned his head and saw that his phone was still dangling from the aux cord. He reached out, thumb on autopilot as he unlocked it, then sent a single text. 

**Louis:** I’m in love with you.  
  


The phone fell from his hand, and the world went black.

* * *

There were voices. Louis tried to swim out of the fog and concentrate on what they were saying. He blinked his eyes open and it was bright wherever he was, and he couldn’t focus on the blobs in front of him. He blinked a few more times. 

“Louis!” 

His mom. Sharp voiced and panicked. He blinked again.

“Louis.” A bit of desperation tinging his mom’s voice. But it was her, for sure. He could _feel_ her next to him. He pushed his brain to focus, to pull itself out of the fog, to concentrate and put the pieces together. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. A break. A quick break to regroup his senses then a final push. 

A TV mounted on the wall in the corner. White, boring walls. Heavy limbs. A wheeled table with a brown pitcher. Hospital then. Probably not dead. Another deep breath and another two heavy blinks and someone was squeezing his hand. He squeezed back. 

A sob, and then her voice cracked as she said “Louis” again.

He let his head loll to the side where she was, and gave her a smile. “Hey, mom,” didn’t come out. 

“There are some tubes baby,” she said. She let go of his hand. “I just have to—so many fucking buttons—call the…” 

There was a loud beep and a static-y “On our way” then a commotion as doctors and nurses clamored into the room.

Then the world went black again. 

* * *

Luckily, Louis’ mom did not kill him. Even once he was fully awake and could replay what he remembers about the accident—the totaled car—she still didn’t kill him. She did hand his phone over with a disapproving, eyebrows raised, look. 

“I wasn’t texting and driving.”

Her eyebrows went higher. 

“I swear.”

She sighed, clearly not believing him, and let go. 

It was then he remembered. _I’m in love with you._

Maybe… Maybe Maybe Maybe it was just something he wanted to do and couldn’t get his fingers to cooperate. But then he unlocked his phone, navigated all the other notifications popping up, opened his messages and saw the message right there in white and gray. His eyes skidded over Harry’s response. 

**Harry:** ???  
  
**Harry:** Shrooms again?  
  
**Harry:** …  
  
**Harry:** Lou?  
  
**Harry:** Dude. wtf.  
  
**Harry:** Why aren’t you answering. What’s going on?  
  
**Harry:** Okay. I’m checking with Jay.  
  
**Harry:** LOUIS WHAT THE FUCK YOU BETTER NOT DIE ON ME.  
  
**Harry:** Call me. Jay says you’ll be okay. Call me when you can. I love you dude.  
  
**Harry:** Dude.  
  
**Harry:** Fuck.  
  


Louis dropped his phone. His mom kissed his forehead and said, “Doctor said you’ve passed the danger zone. I’ll give you some privacy, to deal with,” she tapped the phone, “that.”

“Next time I almost die I don’t give you permission to read my texts.” He had been out of it for a day or two, and there were a few people he should contact. Like his job probably. Friends. Post something on twitter so everyone knew he was okay. Harry. He had to answer Harry first. “Or you could put me out of my misery.”

“Don’t tempt me. I need to pick up your sisters. Call me if you need anything at all, otherwise I’ll stop by first thing tomorrow." His mother's face turned soft again. She patted his shoulder. "And sweetie, it’s going to work out.”

Then he was alone with his thoughts about how he might’ve ruined his friendship with Harry—the single most important relationship in his entire life—despite his mom’s assurances otherwise. Sure, he’d been in love with Harry for a long while, but he could survive the pain of his unrequited love for his best friend (straight! Harry was STRAIGHT!) while Harry loved his girlfriend. Unrequited meant that there was still some tiny tiny tiny shred of hope. When Harry knocked their knees together under Niall’s picnic table, when Harry confided that he loved Sara but he wasn’t sure if she was The One, when Harry turned to see if Louis was laughing at the same jokes he was, when Harry gave him extra long hugs goodbye. Tiny slivers of hope that Louis clung to in the hopes that someday Harry would see the light and realize he was bi and in love with Louis. It was an impossible long shot, but Louis was nothing if not impractical and stubborn. So unrequited love was something he had grown used to and he was surviving. He wasn’t sure he could survive Harry knowing how he really felt and then being rejected. The reality of a closed door sent a shiver of fear down his spine.

Louis pulled the scratchy blanket up to his chin, winching at the pain—the morphine was wearing off—and his whole body ached in the worst way, like he had been hit by a car, heh, with spikes of pain along his ribs and shoulders where the bones had cracked upon impact.

* * *

**Louis:** Hi. I am alive.  
  
**Harry:** Thank fuck. What the hell dude.  
  
**Louis:** It wasn’t on purpose  
  
**Harry:** Seriously though. Wtf  
  
**Harry:** You okay?  
  
**Louis:** I mean… in a fuck ton of pain, but it’s… well it is what it is.  
  
**Louis:** Could be a lot worse so I’m trying not to complain.  
  
**Louis:** Plus, morphine.  
  
**Harry:** I’m really angry  
  


Louis put his phone down. He understood. He was mad at himself too. 

**Louis:** Sorry  
  
**Harry:** You can’t treat my best friend like that.  
  


Louis scoffed. Best friend. Right. Friend Friend Friend. Maybe Harry would never bring up Louis’ L Word confession and let him live the rest of his life in an awkward peace, with the knowledge that Harry knew Louis loved him, but was too polite to say anything about it. Louis always felt so obvious, he was sure Harry already knew anyway. That was the only reason Louis could think of that Harry’s girlfriend (BECAUSE HE WAS STRAIGHT!) constantly side-eyed him when they got together.

**Louis:** Enough about me. What’s new with you? What’d your boss think of the proposal?  
  
**Harry:** Can we talk about it?  
  


Fuck. Louis always forgot that Harry was an actual functional adult who went to his weekly therapy appointments and wasn’t afraid of hard conversations. 

**Louis:** The proposal? Sure!  
  


Louis never claimed to be as emotionally mature as Harry.

**Harry:** Does that mean we’re not?  
  
**Louis:** I don’t know what you want me to say?  
  
**Harry:** Is it true?  
  


Tears welled in Louis’ eyes; the mix of embarrassment and fear was overwhelming. He stared at the ceiling and tried to blink them away. It only succeeded in letting one free fall down his cheek. Louis wiped at it angrily, cursing his levels of stupidity that had lead him here. Fuck it, if he was doing this, he was really going for it. 

**Louis:** I really thought they were going to be my last words ever.  
  


Three dots appeared, then disappeared. He was ruining the best thing in his entire life. The three dots mocked him as they appeared and disappeared again. 

**Harry:** We should probably have this talk face to face.  
  


Louis should’ve known. Soft words and the soft green of Harry’s eyes, pleading for Louis to understand as he let Louis down gently. 

**Louis:** You know where to find me.  
  


* * *

Waking in the hospital each day was like pulling himself out of thick bog. The drugs were still coursing through his system, making his normally groggy-eyed waking process even slower. The blinds were drawn and his room was dark and Louis had no concept of time, until he looked up to see Nick, the lanky gay night nurse with whom he had shared an innocent flirtation at one point. So night. 

“Ah, there are those beautiful baby blues I missed last night.” Nick laid a soft hand on Louis’ arm. “You okay, doll? Need anything?”

Someone else in the room cleared their throat. Louis flopped his head to the other side to see who it was. 

“Protective,” Nick said, more to himself than to Louis, as Louis blinked Harry into focus. “I think you’re in good hands, but you know how to reach me if you need anything.” With a final note on the clipboard hanging from the foot of Louis’ bed, Nick was gone. 

Louis’ throat ached with dryness. “Water?” he croaked. He pointed to the water pitcher on the rolly table. “Is it the middle of the night?”

Harry offered the tiny plastic cup of water, but Louis adjusted himself, so he was sitting more upright, before he took it. He was moving much better on his own and was glad Harry hadn’t seen him during the worst of it. He drank it all in one swig, then handed the empty cup back to Harry. 

“More?”

“No, I’m good. Thanks.”

“Morning,” Harry said, dragging his chair over so he could sit next to Louis. 

“What?”

“It’s morning. Early morning. Not middle of the night.”

“Six of one…” Louis was too tired to finish his sentence, but Harry understood with a kind roll of his eyes. 

“Sleep, baby. I’ll be right here when you wake.”

Louis let his eyes flutter shut. Even the flicker of hope at the endearment, and the knowledge that Harry had really driven hours to see him, wasn’t enough to keep him awake. 

* * *

“I’m in love with you too.”

Louis choked on his muffin. Once he woke up for good, they had made small talk, avoiding the elephant in the room or why Harry had apparently dropped everything the night before and made a middle of the night drive to be by Louis’ side. Then Harry went out for a coffee to help him stay awake since he was up all night, and came back with muffins, including Louis’ favorite, cranberry orange. 

“Shit, sorry,” Harry said as he ineffectually hit Louis on the back. 

“I…” for one of the few times in his life Louis was actually speechless. “You’re straight.”

Harry cleared his throat. “Uh. Right. Or well, wrong? I don’t really know, I haven’t thought through labels yet.”

“You can’t be in love with me.”

“Why not?”

“Because you weren’t, until I thought I was dying and confessed.”

“That’s not true. Or, not entirely true. I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“But…” Louis picked at the scratchy blanket covering his legs. “Sara.”

“I broke up with her when I got your text.”

Louis whipped his head toward Harry so quickly that he had to close his eyes and recover as the world swayed around him.

“Careful,” Harry said quietly.

“But…” He had a million buts that he couldn’t articulate. “You were happy.”

“Eh.” Harry bit at his lip. “I guess. I mean, I wasn’t unhappy. But, I’ve known something was missing for a while. And when I got your text…” Harry looked Louis in the eye, before dropping his gaze to the floor. Louis watched as Harry’s Adam’s apple bobbed. His voice came out quieter when he continued, “It was like, so much shit just clicked into place for me? And then you were,” his voice cracked, “gone. And who else was I supposed to figure this out with? Certainly not Sara. It’s you. It’s always been you. You’re the one that I want to talk to about everything. You’re the one that I want to make happy, always. You’re the one that makes me happiest, that I’m the most me around.”

Louis’ heart swelled as Harry spoke, it was like every daydream he had ever had about Harry was coming true. A good number of those day dreams also included Harry on his knees between Louis’ legs though—which brought up a thought Harry hadn’t mentioned. 

But they must’ve been on the same wavelength because Harry continued, “Lou, you have to know that I’ve always thought you were the most beautiful person I knew, but I just… never connected the dots. I don’t know. I don’t know what was wrong with me, or why I didn’t see it. Like, I’d think about you when I was jerking off. Who does that and doesn’t realize that they _like_ the person?”

Louis scoffed, even as his cheeks heated with Harry’s confession. “Heteronormativity.”

“Hetero— what?” Harry asked with an adorable frown.

“Now that you’re not… uh… one hundred percent straight… or whatever… you’ll be learning so much.”

“And you’ll teach me, right? Sara and every other girlfriend I’ve had might disagree, but I swear I can be a good boyfriend. I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ll ever have.” Harry smirked. “Not that those pricks set a high bar.”

“Ohhhh,” Louis stuck a finger in Harry’s cocky dimple. “Your jealousy and why you thought no one was ever good enough makes a lot more sense now.”

“Best boyfriend ever. You’re never going to want to give me up.”

Louis linked their fingers together. The pain meds were kicking back in and he could feel sleep slowing pulling him under. “You’ll be here when I wake up, right?”

Harry squeezed his hand and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “For as long as you’ll have me. Gonna nurse you back to health, then kick your ass for scaring me with your stupidity.”

Louis smiled dopily, he was pretty sure if Harry took him on, he’d win. He’d feel guilty as hell about it, and there was maybe a chance he’d let Harry think he won. At his core, Harry was just a big softy who wanted Louis to be happy. Louis snuggled a little lower in his bed and drifted off thinking about how lucky he was to have someone who loved him like that. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please do not post this fic or any of my other fics on any other websites. I'm not currently allowing translations either. Thank you for respecting my wishes.
> 
> [Here's a shareable tumblr link if you enjoyed it, and want to reblog!](https://louandhazaf.tumblr.com/post/187140740568/live-like-you-were-dying-louisharry-2k)  
[Here's a twitter link if you enjoyed it, and want to retweet!](https://twitter.com/Lou_and_Haz_AF/status/1163823916881760258?s=20)


End file.
